Field Notes

On Thursday morning, I had coffee with my friend Matthew Immergut, a sociologist and co-author of my favorite meditation book, The Mind Illuminated. He told me about an article he had just written on the challenges of integrating transformative experiences. As soon as he mentioned integration, I felt a rush of energy. I often preach about its importance to my clients and partners. Through more than a decade of inner work and training, I’ve come to understand integration as both a phase of trans

When I start working with a client, usually in the first session, I tell them something that can be confusing at first: "I care where you end up, and I don't care where you end up." What I mean is that I care about them and the life they're building. I believe in their inherent goodness and potential. I want their choices to reflect what matters to them and where they are in their life. That includes the work they do, the people they surround themselves with, and what they have the energy and

It’s Mother’s Day, and my chest has been hurting since yesterday morning. A dull ache runs down my left arm and into my fingers. I just want it to go away, but it won’t. I message my doctor, who calls me back within minutes and tells me to go to the ER immediately. I feel a heaviness settle in my stomach. I put my phone in my back pocket and rush upstairs to the bathroom, where Eliza is bathing the girls. “My chest still hurts, and the pain is radiating down my arm,” I tell her matter-of-fact

Over the holiday weekend I took my seven-year-old daughter, Faye, to her first concert at MetLife Stadium, just outside New York City. We saw Ed Sheeran with Macklemore as the opening act. They're two artists we both love, and she knows all the words to most of their hits. I'd been looking forward to her first show ever since I became a dad. Music has been a huge part of my life for as long as I can remember, and I want the same for my girls. I listen to grunge, hip-hop, classic rock, neoclassi

I was journaling last week about what to do with my Substack Where the Road Bends. I’ve been wondering whether to keep it alive alongside Field Notes or sunset it. As the writing session unfolded, I noticed a part of me that wanted to protect it at all costs. You can't just throw five years of hard work away, Steve. Look at what we've built. We have eleven thousand subscribers and seventy essays we're ridiculously proud of. We've poured thousands of hours into thinking, drafting, and polishing

During an early morning bike ride several weeks ago, a song came on that made me pull over. I looked at the title, saved it to a playlist, and hit replay. I can't stop listening to it. "the old story," by Trevor Hall, with his wife, the poet Emory Hall, on vocals. It's about the old stories we carry about ourselves, and how they keep shaping our lives. We all have them. Some we're conscious of and know so well that we don't even stop to question them. Others are running underneath the sur

On Monday afternon I wrapped up a coaching relationship with a long-term client I've loved supporting. For these completion sessions, I typically create a detailed artifact that captures the arc of our work together, including milestones, learnings, and quotes. I shared my screen and we read it together, scrolling slowly so he could see his transformation reflected back at him. About halfway through the document, he stopped me. "Damn, I've said no to a lot of stuff." In our very first session

On Thursday, I was on my bike before dawn, cruising along the Ashokan Reservoir. The sun was rising, turning the sky pink and purple. Great clouds moved slowly across the open sky. I looked out at the water and saw the sky reflected back at me. Then they appeared: Canada geese in a giant V, crossing overhead, heading south. "On August twentieth?" I wondered out loud. I squeezed the brakes, screeched to a halt, and watched them disappear over the ridge line. I hopped back onto my bike, moved

I'm about a hundred pages into Finding Radical Wholeness by the integral philosopher Ken Wilber. His core claim is that wholeness isn’t one big thing, but consists of five distinct dimensions: waking up, growing up, cleaning up, opening up, and showing up. Most of us develop one or two of these dimensions. I’m finding it endlessly fascinating because it’s helping me connect the dots between developmental psychology and spirituality, two fields I’ve been immersed in for the past decade. I’m star

A few hours after publishing I Write With AI, I told my partners about the note and how I was feeling during our weekly Zoom: "I feel so relieved to get that note into the world. I don't have to hide anything anymore. I'm no longer out of integrity with myself." As soon as those words left my mouth, the weight of hiding it lifted even more. I exhaled. One of my partners, who recently finished writing his book, filled the silence. "I've collaborated with AI on an essay, but I just haven't be